Welcome to Honor Your Truth The “Is It True?” Series Episode Seventy-One “Every Cloud has a Silver Lining” I was trapped under a rock that no one could move. Picking up the phone seemed impossible. It was heavy, like the rock. Everything was heavy. My feet felt like 2 cinder blocks, my eyelids inched open like huge garage doors that slammed shut when I saw something coming, as a security measure….even my hair felt heavy. I moved more like an old swing set, than a girl. I hadn’t eaten anything but crap and it felt like my teeth had little sweaters on them. I woke every morning with a sense of impending doom. I lie there with fear and dread, talking to God, yet not really sure if there was one. Although acutely aware of the brevity of life, I was unable to make any significant movement towards seizing the day. I knew that I “should” and would beat myself up because I “couldn’t”. I escaped deeper under the covers and into the cavern of despair. I seriously could not do the things that I felt might possibly help me no matter how hard I tried, so I slept and I hid. I dug madly into encyclopedias and journals on the shelf to diagnose myself. It seemed easier to face a problem I could identify rather than some blanket illness that covered me like glue would. A disease had treatment….an action I could take. I was fairly certain I was dying, but I could get down to the business of dying…I could lose myself in the details. Anything to take away the pain of apathy…trapped between frightful caring and not caring at all. I was paralyzed. Anxiety actually saved me, catapulting me straight into the ER. I felt alive. Crisis was a pleasant distraction. Expectations are low. Excitement is high. One too many trips to the ER will land you in the Psych ward. Trust me. I’ve been in a lot of them. I have been on some form of medication ever since my teens. I will not make a judgment here as to whether or not that is a good thing. The subject is vast and convoluted. My story is long and winding. What I will say is that as a ...