: So, do you have any motto in life? stin Timberlake: Um, I just think, if you're gonna do something, if you put out 150%, then you can always expect 100 back. : But then you wind up losing 50%. What a stupid motto.

: Is there anything you'd like to do before we get started? line Dion: Umm, I want to play golf. I want to have a child. I want to, uh, drive my own car. I want to cook. I want to go to the groceries and buy my own tomatoes... : I'm afraid we don't have time for anything like that. What I meant was, "Can I get you a drink, or something?" line Dion: Yeah. : I'm sorry, WE'RE ALL OUT OF DRINKS.

: Have you ever met Céline Dion? inem: I have felt like killing her before. : Well, obviously, we all have. Umm, ever felt like killing anybody else? inem: Y'know, most of my family members. : That's nice. Which reminds me, do you feel that you owe at least part of your success to the loving support that your family has given you over the years? inem: I don't owe nobody in my family nothin'. : You don't owe nobody in your family nothing? Wow, that's a triple negative. Does that mean you do owe somebody in your family something? inem: It's like, it's up to you to decide, you know?

: Don't be nervous, but right now, there are literally dozens of people watching you. ril Lavigne: What? : Well, what do you think all these cameras are for? ril Lavigne: [curling into a ball] Oh my God, cameras, oh my god. : No, no Avril. Cameras are your friends. Cameras are here to help you. Cameras good. ril Lavigne: [excitedly throwing arms into the air] Cameras.

: So tell me, Celine, did you sing the boring song from "Titanic" or the stupid song from "Titanic"?

: What's your favorite number? line Dion: Oh... I don't know... but not 14. : Yeah, I know! [shouts] I hate fourteen!

: Do you enjoy cracking your knuckles? line Dion: Yes. : Biting your toenails? line Dion: Yes. : Rolling around in the mud? line Dion: Yes. : Sticking gerbils together with crazy glue? line Dion: Yes. : Can I borrow five bucks? line Dion: No. : [shouts] Aaaah! It never works!

l introduces Britney Spears to Justin Timberlake] itney Spears: Oh! It's Michael Jackson!

: What do you think of my new album, "Poodle Hat"? Would you say it is the best album in the world? line Dion: I don't know... in a word... I guess so. : Hey, thanks.

: So, tell me, Marshal, how do you feel about censorship in music? inem: I feel like, you know, I really believe in freedom of speech. I can't even stress at enough. I feel like, especially, artistic expression. I believe an artist should be an artist and be able to say what he wants to say weather you think it's good or bad, you know. : Uh-huh. So, if you think, for example, if somebody wanted to do... oh, I don't know... A PARODY OF SOMEBODY ELSE'S VIDEO, they should be able to ARTISTICALLY EXPRESS THEMSELVES AND JUST DO IT? inem: Um... : Ah, I'm just busting your chops. I know you said I couldn't do a video for my "Lose Yourself" parody, but hey, you know, it's your choice. inem: Yeah. Exactly. : Just between you and me though, don't you think my version of the song is just a little bit better than yours? inem: That's kind of what pisses me off. : I knew it! Well, now I don't have a video to promote my new album, "Poodle Hat", but you know, as long as you're happy... You are happy aren't you? YOU'RE HAPPY, RIGHT? CAUSE I SURE WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY! inem: You're fucking crazy. You're crazy, for real. You're crazy. : Well, since I don't have a video for it, and since this is my stinkin' show, why don't you say we just sit here and listen to the whole song right now?

: I know it's your favorite, so I made you a Twinky Weiner Sandwich. inem: I knew you'd make it. I knew you'd make it. : But before I give it to you, I just want you to answer me one simple question... What is the mathematical formula used to determine the area inside a pentadomecahedrum? inem: It's a simple formula. It's a simple formula. : Alright, what is it? inem: You know. : No, I don't know. What is it? inem: It's... it's... it's easy, I mean, the formula is, first of all, there, you know... : Yeah, that's what I thought. You have no idea what you're talking about. inem: Yeah, so I'd better just shut up. : Uh-huh.

: Well, I've been asking all the questions here. Are there any questions you want to ask me? inem: You know, how many times can you rhyme "tear me apart" and "breaking my heart"? : Well, let's see... Homer and Bart, medical chart, strawberry tart, served allacart, back to the start, post-modern art, plastic londart, missing a part, Humphrey Bullgart, rip me apart, and blue light special each day at K-Mart! Eleven!

: I have to admit I was a little bit nervous about doing this interview. inem: Relax, guy. I like gay men. : That's great, but... I'm not gay. inem: I don't believe that. : Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not. What? Do you find me attractive or something? inem: Maybe I do. : Wait, are you hitting on me? inem: Yeah. : Uh... inem: You don't have anything to say? : Well... I'm flattered, I guess, but... I'm just really not interested. Why don't you go hit on Brad Pitt or something? inem: Yeah, he's cute, but isn't he married, though? : Yeah, I guess so, but... Look, I'm sorry if you got the wrong impression. I just asked you here so I could interview you. That's all. inem: Well, what the fuck? This is... This is bullshit to me. : Hey, calm down! I just wanted to talk to you about your music! You know, I happen to think you're very tallented, and I think you've got a lot of potential for growth. I see your talent as kind of a little acorn seed, and when that acorn seed is planted, and watered, and nurtured, and allowed to grow, do you know what it eventually becomes? inem: Fucking tree. : Yeah.

: You've got a little pottymouth, don't you? inem: I don't believe that nobody can not swear. : You don't believe that nobody can not swear? Wow! Another triple negative!

stin Timberlake: Oh, they're big... really big. : Uh... Justin, what are you talking about?

inem: Y'know what I'm sayin'? : I know what you're sayin'. inem: Y'know what I'm sayin'? : I know what you're sayin'. inem: Y'know what I'm sayin'? : Yes, I do. inem: Y'know what I'm sayin'? : Yes. inem: Y'know what I'm sayin'? : Yep. inem: Y'know what I'm sayin'? : I know what you're sayin'. inem: Y'know what I'm sayin'? : Yeah! inem: Y'know what I'm sayin'? : Yes! Yes! inem: Y'know what I'm sayin'? : YES! inem: Y'know what I'm sayin'? : YES! : [while Eminem rapidly repeats "Y'know what I'm sayin'?" eight times] Yes, I - I told ya - Look, I - I said that I - What? - I said I... : SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! inem: Y'know what I'm sayin'? : YES! YES! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING! ALRIGHT? inem: Whatever.

: You all know who my best friend in the whole wide world is? That's right! Harvey the Wonder Hamster! [brings out Harvey] Here he is! Hello, Harvey! My, he's looking happy today! Let's sing Harvey's theme song! [sings] Oh, Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the Wonder Hamster / He doesn't bite, and he doesn't squeal / He just runs around on his hamster wheel / Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the Wonder Hamster! /... Hey, Harvey! [Music stops. Al throws Harvey over his shoulder off the building] Well, that was fun.

inem: I used to respect Will Smith but he pretty much dissed the whole Gender of rap. : The whole gender of Rap? Are you sure you don't mean genre. I don't mean to secong guess you or anything.