aude Herdman: Who's Herrod in this play? ace Bradley: Uh, Herrod isn't in this play. roy Herdman: You mean he's out to kill the baby, and he isn't even in the play?

arlie Bradley: Hey Leroy, you want me desert tomorrow? you want it the next day? You can have it! At church, we get refreshments all the time. Chocolate cake and cookies, ice cream... roy Herdman: Oh yeah? Who gives 'em to ya? arlie Bradley: The minister. roy Herdman: Why? is he crazy? roy Herdman: No. I think he's rich.

ace Bradley: [reading the story of Christmas] And, lo, the Angel of the Lord came upon them... ace Bradley: What? ace Bradley: Shazaaammmm! adys Herdman: Out with avenge in the darkness, the mighty Marvvellll! ace Bradley: Gladys, I don't know what you're talking about. adys Herdman: The Mighty Marvel in Wonder Comics. ace Bradley: No, this is the Angel of the Lord. adys Herdman: Out of nowhere, right? In the black night, right? ace Bradley: Well, yes, in a way. adys Herdman: Shazaaaammmm!

bie: I don't know what shephards wear. arlie Bradley: You have to wear your father's robe. That's what I have to do. bie: He doesn't have a robe. arlie Bradley: What does he hang around the house in? bie: His underwear.

arlie Bradley: I am not going to be a shephard. ace Bradley: Oh yes you are!

arlie Bradley: Mom said Mrs. Slocum was in traction. How can she talk on the phone if she's in traction? th Bradley: What do you think traction is? arlie Bradley: Like when they put you to sleep. b Bradley: No such luck.

aude Herdman: What's an "Inn"? mer: It's like a motel. lie Herdman: Why'd they go there? mer: To pay thei taxes. lie Herdman: At a motel?

th Bradley: [to the camera about the Herdman's visit to church] Before the service was over, they cleaned out the collection plates, scribbled on the bibles, and stuck gum all over the pews.

ogene Herdman: I'm going to be Mary in the christmas play. And if you try to be or raise your arm, you'll wish you didn't. ice Wendlekin: I'm always Mary in the christmas play. ogene Herdman: Go ahead then. And next spring when the pussy-willows come out, I'm going to stick a pussy-willow so far down your ear where nobody can reach it. And it'll sit there and grow and grow and grow so for the rest of your life, there'll be a pussy-willow bush growing out of your ear.

v. Hopkins: Vera Wendlekin says all they do is talk about sex and underwear.

xine: [Refering to a shack exploding] Who said the Herdmans did it? th Bradley: They said they did. Ralph said he was the one that stole the chemestry set from Old Man Johnson's garage. ice Wendlekin: Call the police, then they can put Ralph in jail. th Bradley: Alice, nobody's going to call the police on them. xine: Because they're kids. th Bradley: No, because they burned down the jail.

ogene Herdman: Somedy better be Herrod! ace Bradley: Imogine, we're going to do this play the way it has always been done. ogene Herdman: [grabs Charlie by the collar] I know! Let Charlie be Herrod. He tells the wise men to kill Jesus, and they 'Ok' 'cause he's a king and all. lie Herdman: But then they don't do it. They go back and get Herros [gesturing stabbing motions] 'Take that, Herrod! Take that!' arlie Bradley: I'm not going to be Herrod!

lph Herdman: What did she says the play is called? roy Herdman: 'Christmas Pageant.' lie Herdman: That's no name. That's what it is. adys Herdman: I know a name. I'd called it 'Revenge at Bethlahem.'