The Absent Minded Waiter is a 1977 short film starring Steve Martin, Teri Garr, and Buck Henry, written by Steve Martin.

A couple (Henry and Garr) have gone out to dinner at a fancy restaurant the husband claims has the world's most absent-minded waiter. Martin plays a poor waiter. He has many mishaps, including pouring water before placing down the glasses, forcing the couple to repeat their order of "two martinis" three times, and subsequently bringing them six martinis. The film culminates with the wife becoming angry that she got dressed up, hired a babysitter and then was brought out to a restaurant with such amazingly bad service. Immediately afterwards, the waiter returns with their "change"—$10,000 worth, before the couple had even paid. It was directed by Carl Gottlieb, who also played the Maitre D'.

The short was shown at Steve Martin's stand-up shows before he went on, and is included on the 1977 VHS release of Steve Martin Live, now out of print.

even, The Waiter: All right, here's your drink order. One-two-three-four-five-six martinis, and your lard omelet.