ex Trebek: Let's just go to "Animal Sounds" for $600. This is the sound a doggy makes. ean Connery buzzes in] ex Trebek: Mr. Connery. an Connery: Moo. ex Trebek: No. an Connery: Well, that's the sound your mother made last night!

vil: There's a guy name Fred and he's got a pair of slacks. Oooh-Fred's got slacks. There long and a little tight in the waist. Ooh-Fred's got slacks on the boulevard.

uce Dickinson: Guess what! I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cow bell!

vil: [singing] Fast car... on the highway. On the byway, Mr. Robotron!

rry Caray: Hey! Would you eat the moon if it were made of ribs?

rrator: From the outermost ridges of the universe, to the innermost planets of our solar system this is 'Space the Infinite Frontier' with your host Chicago Cubs broadcaster Harry Caray. rry Caray: Hi everybody, Harry Caray here and welcome to "Space the Infinite Frontier". We've got a great show lined up for you, joining us in the studio today all the way from Caltech is astrophysicist Dr. Ken Waller. Welcome to the show Ken. Now Dr., recently they have discovered that there might be life on one of the moons of Jupiter, now that's got to be exciting for you. n Waller: Oh yeah Harry, we're thrilled to discover that life can theoretically exist below the surface of planets due to the heat caused by volcanic activity. rry Caray: That's something else. Hey! Let me ask you, what's your favorite planet? n Waller: Well, I don't have a favorite I find them all fascinating, they're all part of a [is interrupted] rry Caray: Mine's the sun. Always has been. I like it cause its like the King of Planets. n Waller: Well, actually Harry, it's not a planet, it's a star. rry Caray: Well, planet or star when that thing burns out we're all going to be dead. n Waller: Well that's true but its not going to burn out for a very long time. rry Caray: I hope not. Hey! Dr. have you ever seen an eclipse? n Waller: Yeah. I've seen many. rry Caray: You know if you star at it head on it'll burn your eyes out. n Waller: Well its not best to stare at the sun during an eclipse. rry Caray: But it's hard not to. I once took a pair of binoculars and stared at the sun for over an hour. n Waller: Why would you do that? rry Caray: Curiosity I guess. Heck! I'm curious like a cat. I have a couple of friends that call me whiskers. n Waller: Because you're curious like a cat? rry Caray: Yes [pause] Hey! Now Ken, we all know that the moon is not made of green cheese. n Waller: Yes, that's true Harry. rry Caray: But what if it were made of barbeque spare ribs, would you eat it then?

n Waller: What? rry Caray: I know I would. Heck! I'd have seconds and then polish it off with a tall cool Budweiser. - - - I would do it. Would you? n Waller: I'm confused. rry Caray: It's a simple question Dr, would you eat the moon if it were made of ribs? n Waller: I don't know how to answer that. rry Caray: It's not rocket science, just say yes and we'll move on. n Waller: Yes. rry Caray: Hey! How about this mad cow disease? n Waller: What about it? rry Caray: Well, it was here for a while and then it went away. Your thoughts. n Waller: Yes, yes it was in the news for a while and then it disappeared from the news. rry Caray: Good point. Gee I hope I never get it. Hey! What about this: if you had to choose between being the top scientist in your field or getting mad cow disease, what would it be? n Waller: Well of course I would choose to be the top scientist in my field. rry Caray: Oh good. I was worried you'd choose mad cow. n Waller: Why would you think that? rry Caray: I guess I'm just a worrier, that's why my friends call me whiskers. n Waller: I thought you said your friends call you whiskers cause you were curious as a cat. rry Caray: Well Dr. Waller it has been a pleasure. We've covered a lot of ground, shared a few laughs, thanks for coming on. n Waller: My pleasure Harry. rry Caray: He's a good kid. That's all the time we have. Join us next week with our guest Albert Einstein. What? Well apparently Albert Einstein died 42 years ago. You know what, we'll try to get him anyway. See you next time. Cubs win! Cubs win!

ll Ferrell: Well it's Thanksgiving time! It's such a great day now! Turkey and bread and plenty of stuffing! ris Kattan: It's Thanksgiving time! It's time for Jell-O! Watch some T.V. maybe have some grape Kool-Aid! ris Kattan: Oooooh! I think I dig your stuff! ll Ferrell: I think I dig your stuff! ll Ferrell: Well it's Thanksgiving time! I love your new blazer! Your sleeves are pushed up it looks pretty awesome! ris Kattan: Well thank you my friend! Your so kind to say so! Your eyes are so blue, I think that I like them! ll Ferrell: Well it's Thanksgiving time! Let's go get a burger! Maybe some fries! Let's go take a car ride! ris Kattan: Go to a motel! Drink a gallon of brandy! Hang out in robes and see what develops! ris Kattan: Oooooh! I think I dig your stuff! ll Ferrell: I think I dig your... [They Kiss] [Note: This is from Vol. 2]

vil: I'm the Devil and i'm here to say that i'm the most evil rapper in the USA. All my homies and my bitches say ho!

bert Goulet: Oh girl that dress is so scandolous, And you know another Nigga couldn't handle it. You see dumps like a truck, truck, truck Not like a what, what, what Baby move you butt,butt,butt I think I'll sing it again Sha bang, sha bop,bop bop. Thong Song

. Beaman: I'm sorry, you have the wrong number. No, there's no "Mark" here. My name? It's Mark. No... I spell it with a C. Who put you up to this? What do you mean you're my "wife"? O-kay... if you're my "wife", what's our cat's name? Mr. Stitches. Damn, you're good!

uce Dickinson: Easy, guys... I put my pants on just like the rest of you - one leg at a time uce Dickinson: Except, when my pants are on, I make gold records

ex Trebek: Welcome back to "Celebrity Jeopardy". Before we begin the Double Jeopardy round, I'd like to ask our contestants once again to please refrain from using ethnic slurs. That said, let's take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has set a new "Jeopardy" record with -$230,000. an Connery: You think you're pretty smart, don't you, Trebek? What with your dago mustache and your greasy hair! ex Trebek: Look, what did I just say about ethnic slurs? From "3rd Rock From the Sun", French Stewart in second place with -$17,000. ench Stewart: I'm a late bloomer, Alex, and in Double Jeopardy, I'm gonna bloom! ex Trebek: Sure you will. And finally, back again, Burt Reynolds in a commanding lead with $14. rt Reynolds: Hey. Hey, ah... check out the podium. Look at this. ex Trebek: Mr. Reynolds has apparently changed his name to Turd Ferguson. rt Reynolds: Yeah, that's right. Turd Ferguson. It's a funny name.

rt Reynolds: Yeah, I'll take the condom thing for, uh... eight thou. ex Trebek: That's "Condiments". For $400. "This condiment is made from mustard seeds". tewart buzzes in] ex Trebek: French Stewart. ench Stewart: The answer, of course, is onions. I'll take "Condiments" for $800, thank you... uzzer sounds] ex Trebek: That's not the right answer. eynolds buzzes in] ex Trebek: Burt Reynolds. rt Reynolds: That's not my name. ex Trebek: Okay. Turd Ferguson. rt Reynolds: [laughs] Yeah, what do ya want? ex Trebek: You buzzed in! rt Reynolds: No I didn't. ex Trebek: Yes you did! rt Reynolds: Yeah, well, that's your opinion. ex Trebek: I hate my job!