Fredrik Egerman is very happy in his marriage to a seventeen-year-old virgin, Anne. Only she's been a virgin for the whole eleven months of the marriage, and being a bit restless, Fredrik goes to see an old flame, the famous actress Desiree Armfeldt. Desiree is getting tired of her life, and is thinkin of settling down, and sets her sights on Fredrik, despite his marriage, and her own married lover Count Carl-Magnus. She gets her mother to invite the Egermans to her country estate for the weekend. But when Carl-Magnus and his wife Charlotte appear, too, things begin to get farcical (Send in the Clowns), and the night must smile for the third time before all the lovers are united. Written by Kathy Li

edrika Arnfeldt: [watching her grandmother play solitaire] If you cheated a little, it would come out. dame Arnfeldt: Solitaire is the only thing in life that demands absolute honesty.

dame Arnfeldt: Don't squeeze your bosoms against the chair, dear! It'll stunt their growth, and then where would you be?

siree Armfeldt: [in her role during a performance of "Woman of the World"] Dignity. We women have a right to commit any crime toward our husbands, our lovers, our sons - as long as we do not hurt their dignity. We should make men's dignity our best ally, and caress it, cradle it, speak tenderly to it, and handle it as our most delightful toy. Then the man is in our hands, at our feet... or anywhere else we momentarily wish him to be.

nrik Egerman: [attempting to ravish the maid] We have sinned! And it was a complete failure!

ederik Egerman: They told me at the theater where to find you. siree Armfeldt: Fredrik! ederik Egerman: Hello, Desiree. siree Armfeldt: So it was you! I peered and peered and said, "Is it? Can it be? Is it possible?" Then of course, when you walked out after five minutes, I was sure. ederik Egerman: Was my record that bad? siree Armfeldt: Terrible. You walked out on my Hedda in Helsingborg, and my sensational Phaedra in Eskilstuna.

siree Armfeldt: Your little bride... so, you took her home, tucked her up in her cot, with her rattle and her wooly penguin! ederik Egerman: Figuratively speaking. siree Armfeldt: And then you came to me. ederik Egerman: I wish you'd ask me why. siree Armfeldt: Why did you come to me? ederik Egerman: For old times' sake? For curiosity? To boast about my wife? To complain about her, perhaps? Oh, hell, why am I being such a lawyer about it? This afternoon, while I was taking my nap... siree Armfeldt: So you take afternoon naps now! ederik Egerman: Hush! I had the most delightful dream. siree Armfeldt: About? ederik Egerman: You. siree Armfeldt: Ah. What did we do? ederik Egerman: Well, as a matter of fact, we were in that little hotel in Malmo. We'd been basking in the sun all day... siree Armfeldt: When my back got so burned, it was an agony to lie down, so you... ederik Egerman: As vivid as... well, very vivid. So you see, my motives for coming here are what might be called... mixed.

id: [as he helps Petra out of a car] Allow me! tra: [smiling lasciviously] To do... what?

siree Armfeldt: [Frederik has just finished telling Desiree about his wife, who is still a virgin after eleven months of marriage] A virgin? ederik Egerman: A virgin. siree Armfeldt: Eleven months. ederik Egerman: Eleven... months. siree Armfeldt: No wonder you dreamed of me! ederik Egerman: Well, at least it was you I dreamed of, which would indicate a kind of retroactive fidelity, doesn't it? siree Armfeldt: At least! ederik Egerman: Desiree... would it seem insensitive if I were to ask you... [he stops himself] I can't say it. siree Armfeldt: Say it, darling. ederik Egerman: Would you...? [he gestures to the bedroom] siree Armfeldt: Of course. What are old friends for?

unt Carl-Magnus Malcolm: Why don't you pay a visit to Marta's little school friend, Anne? untess Charlotte Malcolm: A-ha. unt Carl-Magnus Malcolm: She probably has no idea what her husband's up to. untess Charlotte Malcolm: And I could enlighten her? Poor Carl-Magnus; are you that jealous? unt Carl-Magnus Malcolm: A civilized man can tolerate his wife's infidelity, but when it comes to his mistress, a man becomes a tiger! untess Charlotte Malcolm: As opposed, of course, to a goat in rut. Ah, well... if I'm back in two hours, that still leaves us three, right? unt Carl-Magnus Malcolm: You're a good wife, Charlotte. The best. untess Charlotte Malcolm: That's a comforting thought to take to town with me, dear. It just may keep me from cutting my throat on the tram.

dame Arnfeldt: Child, I have come to give you your advice for the day. edrika Arnfeldt: Yes, Grandmother? dame Arnfeldt: Never marry, or even dally with, a Scandinavian. edrika Arnfeldt: Why not? dame Arnfeldt: They are all insane.

siree Armfeldt: Hello, mother. dame Arnfeldt: To what do I owe the honor of this visit? siree Armfeldt: I just thought I'd pop out and see you both, is that so surprising? dame Arnfeldt: Yes. siree Armfeldt: You're in one of your bitchy moods, I see. dame Arnfeldt: If you've come to take Fredrika back, the answer is no. I do not object to the immorality of your life; merely to its sloppiness. Since I have been tidy enough to have acquired a sizeable mansion and a fleet of servants, it seems only common sense that my granddaughter should reap the advantages of it. Isn't that so, child? edrika Arnfeldt: I really don't know, Grandmother. dame Arnfeldt: Oh, yes, you do, dear.

dame Arnfeldt: To lose a husband, or a lover or two, during one's lifetime can be vexing - but to lose one's teeth is a catastrophe!

siree Armfeldt: [Upon meeting her lover's wife] Countess Malcolm, I presume. untess Charlotte Malcolm: You do indeed, Miss Arnfeldt.

nrik Egerman: [while riding a bicycle with Fredrika] Miss Arnfeldt, for the past 11 months, although I am preparing to enter the ministry... I... I... I've been madly, hopelessly in love with my stepmother! Do you realize how many mortal sins that involves?

dame Arnfeldt: Are you addressing me, sir - whoever you may be? unt Carl-Magnus Malcolm: I am, madam. dame Arnfeldt: Then be so kind as to repeat yourself. Judging from the level of the conversation so far, you can hardly expect me to have been paying attention.

siree Armfeldt: Shall I tell you why I really invited you here? When we met again and we made love, I thought, "Maybe here it is at last. A chance to turn back, to find some sort of coherent existence after so many years of muddle." Of course, there is your wife... but I thought perhaps - just perhaps, you might be in need of rescue, too? ederik Egerman: When my eyes are open, and I look at you, I see a woman that I have loved for a long time, who entranced me all over again when I came to her rooms, who gives me such genuine pleasure, that, in spite of myself, I came here for the sheer delight of being with her again. A woman who could rescue me? Of course. But when my eyes are not open, which is most of the time, all I see is a girl in a pink dress teasing a canary, running through a sunlit garden to hug me at the gate, as if I'd come from Timbuktu, instead of the municipal courthouse three blocks away! he music begins. Desiree sings "Send In The Clowns." Just before the last verse, Frederik speaks] ederik Egerman: Desiree, I'm sorry. I never should have come. To flirt with rescue when one has no intention of being saved... Do try to forgive me. e leaves her. Desiree sings the last verse in spotlight. The light fades out on her weeping quietly]

tra: It's a very short way from the fling that's for fun to the thigh pressing under the table; It's a very short day 'til you're stuck with just one, or it has to be done on the sly; In the meanwhile; There are mouths to be kissed before mouths to be fed; And there's many a tryst and there's many a bed; There's a lot I'll have missed, but I'll not have been dead when I die! And a person should celebrate everything passing by!

dame Arnfeldt: Child, will you do me a favor? edrika Arnfelt: Of course, Grandmother. dame Arnfeldt: Will you tell me what it's all for? Having outlived my own illusions by centuries, it would be soothing at least to pretend to share some of yours.

ederik Egerman: [Frederik has just played Russian Roulette - and almost lost. Desiree is the first person he sees when he wakes up] I don't suppose this is my heavenly reward, is it? siree Armfeldt: Hardly, dear, with me here.

edrika Arnfeldt: Grandmother, I've watched and I've watched, and I haven't noticed the night smiling. dame Arnfeldt: Young eyes are not ideal for watching; they stray too much. The night has already smiled twice. edrika Arnfeldt: It has? Twice? For the young and for the fools? dame Arnfeldt: The smile for the fools was particularly broad tonight.